Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I could teleport
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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