wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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