If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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