What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
