well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
