is your mom at the bar?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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