Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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