I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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