my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
