We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
