PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
