Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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