You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
