I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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