Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
