dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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