tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My ATM looks so different sober.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
