I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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