guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
