I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
