I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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