I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
