I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
