hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
