if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
