Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
