How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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