Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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