im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
