The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
