She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
