I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
