I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
