So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
