You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
