i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
