connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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