we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
