when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
