If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
