I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
