Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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