remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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