I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
