Too much gin, very little bucket
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
MIDGETS
????
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
