Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
