It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
