are you so shy because you have an std?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't deserve a penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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