When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
