you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
