its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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